Sunday, June 3, 2012

Fart War

Ha ha..Yes this post will be about farting. But not just any farting. The epic fart war that is going on between me and my husband. Lol. I have no idea how or why it got started, it just some how came to be. Some of you might think its not lady like to fart. Well if you think so, you are freaking stooopid! Everyone farts. EVERYONE. So don't try to be all high and mighty about farting. It is a natural thing. And it just so happens that I have a fart war on my hands. Well today was super hilarious. Wait if your like easily disgusted or have a weak stomach to this particular topic. I will advise you to stop reading. I mean its not that vulgar in my opinion. But not everyone has the same perspective as others. Just a fair warning. Any who, it started when me and David went to go eat. We went to eat mexican at "KiKi's" And I got the Machaka. Its basically like beef or chicken that's tender cooked with onions, tomato, green chiles, a fried egg, and chile con queso. Very delicious. Well after I finished that, I got that feeling in my stomach that I needed to take care of buisness. So I right away told David that I needed to go home. He said "Ok. When I see the waitress i'll ask for the bill and then we can go." I then said ok. But the waitress was taking forever to come back to check up on us. In the mean time my stomach was getting worse and hurting very badly. I then decided I couldn't wait and went to find the bathroom. Might I add that I hate using public restrooms to do anything besides pee. Its embarrassing. I usually do a good job at waiting until I get home to drop a deuce. Lol. Especially if someone is waiting to use the stall your in. I mean when your done and come out do you tell that person waiting to not go in there, or do you just give that person an apologetic look/smile cause they are about to walk into a gas chamber and gag? I mean its awkward and not pleasant for you or anybody else that has to use the restroom when you decide to drop a deuce. Lol. But any who back to what I was talking about. I found the restroom and man! Its a single ca mode restroom. With no air condition. Which makes everything ten times worse. Anyways I did my business and low and behold there is someone waiting when i come out. And I gave her the apologetic look. Ha ha..I was so embarrassed. I absolutely hate it. Well from that moment on I knew my stomach was going to be acting up the rest of the day, and I decided to plot against David. Lmao! And don't think poor David either. Because he is the worst one! Literally everyday he tries to dutch oven me! Do you know what that is? Do you? Its when someone farts under the covers and pulls the cover over your head, and doesn't let you out to breathe forcing you to inhale and smell. Its disgusting! He literally tries to do this to me on a regular basis. And David has some nastay smelling farts. Its gross. For the most part when I fart it doesn't stink. Lol its just air. Not him, most of his are deadly. I get soo mad too. Anyways after we get home from the movies its like 1 am. We saw the Avengers if your wondering what we watched. (awesome movie by the way) So we come home change into our pajamas and lay down in bed. Im not going to bed, he is. I just go to lay down with him for a bit before he goes to sleep. Well we're there in bed talking and like always he has me cracking up about something stupid he says. Well I'm laughing so hard I accidentally fart. And right away he goes "Awwwwww hell naw! No you just didn't!" I'm laughing so hard that I cant get it out of my mouth that it was an accident. He right away turns on his side to where that his butt is facing me and lifts the cover and farts so loud! I just continue to laugh. Then when he turns back on his stomach I jump on him and fart right on the back of his neck. Lmao! I know its gross. But its freaking hilarious! He didn't get mad or anything he was laughing all crazy like I was. But in between giggles I was getting threatened. Ha ha..he was threatening that he was going to fart on my face with his bare butt while I was asleep. And it would be so gross I was going to be able to taste it. Do you see how mean he is? Lmao. I instantly regretted farting on him. Because if you do anything to David, it doesn't matter if your playing or whatever. He will get you back ten times worse. He's no fun. Ha ha. But I ended up giving him a foot massage in trade that he doesn't fart on my face while I sleep tonight or tomorrow. Lol. I have a day and a half of safety. But after that the war is back on. And all of this because I accidentally let one rip. Has that ever happened to you? Its happened to me plenty of times. One in particular happened while i was playing the Wii with my sisters. We were playing "Just Dance 3" I believe. Well this dance made you pick up your arms tot he sky and kinda bend at the same time you were doing it. It's a repetitive move in the song. Well we were all doing it at the same time and when i bent down I farted very loud. And I instantly stopped danceing looked at my sisters and said "Ooops, sorry!" They just busted out laughing falling on the bed holding their stomachs making fun of me. Lol. I was embarrassed. Oh let me tell you one more thing before I go. Ok I was at my mom's one day visiting. This couldn't of been that long ago. And I was sitting on the couch beside my mom watching tv. Well my mom then gets up walks in front of me and puts her butt in my face. Her butt is literally like centimeters from touching my nose. And she farts the loudest fart right in my face. I got so mad. Cause that's just nasty. And It was totally unexpected. You know? Lol. Well that's all I wanted to share with you. Hopefully It made you laugh. If not I'm sorry. Ha ha..well I hope you have a good day and God bless.

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